Created by Lisa Kaplan, LMSW, CAADC, ACSW

Disclaimer

There are no guarantees! Excellent parents can have addicted children and negligent parents can have non addicted children.

The information I am presenting is based on 30 years of experience with children, adolescents, and adults who have been impacted by a Substance Use Disorder
themselves or in their families.

I do not mean to insult anyone’s intelligence by stating what you may think is obvious. To many parents I have known, some things are not obvious.

Self-esteem

  • Have family meals together as often as possible.
  • Use positive reinforcement when your child has made a good choice or handled a situation well.
  • Let your child overhear you sharing positive thoughts about him/her.
  • Separate the child from the behavior. You love the child. You dislike the behavior.
  • Ask questions about their activities when you were not present. Show an interest in their lives and share your experiences as well.
  • Teach respectful behavior so adults will respond positively to them.
  • Give permission to say “no” to adults when uncomfortable. This includes relatives.
  • Teach them about good and bad touching, and “Stranger Danger.” Tell them that “secrets that hurt are secrets to tell.” Children who have been sexually abused have a higher likelihood of using substances, in part, to self-medicate the emotional pain.
  • Empower children to think for themselves and speak for themselves from a very young age (ordering food in a restaurant, telling the hairdresser their preferred style, choosing clothing, classes, and activities). This increases their confidence and communication skills.

Physical and mental health

  • Use visits to the doctor/dentist, vaccinations as examples of ways to take care of their bodies.
  • Stress the importance of creating healthy, lifelong habits- eating right proper sleep hygiene, exercise, fresh air, drinking water, etc. A healthy boy and mind are important for a happy life.
  • Be a good role model regarding your health, following the law, and substance use, which includes use of medications.
  • Teach healthy ways to relax, cope, and combat boredom-exercise, yoga, meditation, listening to music, art, ta lk to a friend. You are their role model. For example, instead of “I had a rough day, I need a glass of wine,” instead say, “I had a rough day. I’m going for a walk-would you like to join me?”
  • Get professional help for yourself if you need it.
  • Educate children about their family history of Substance Use Disorder (SUD), if there is one. Explain that this is a high- risk factor for them. Plant the idea of maintaining abstinence to be 100% certain they won’t develop an addiction to substances. If they choose not to be abstinent, then they need to be very careful.
  • Explain that the legal age for drinking alcohol and using marijuana is 21 for a good reason-the brain and body are not prepared to handle alcohol and marijuana until then. Using substances before the age of 21 significantly increases the risk of developing an SUD. Waiting until age 21 or later significantly reduces the risk.
  • Get professional help early. Children with untreated mental health problems may turn to substances to “feel better.” When they do this, it often turns into a substance abuse problem because they self- medicate. They don’t intend to get addicted. They just want to feel better.

Friendships and relationships

  • Teach them who the “helping people” are in their home, school, and community. Keep in mind that school is closed on evenings, weekends summer vacation, and school breaks. Ideally, you would like them to seek help from their parents. However, if they are not comfortable doing so, who else can they count on? Help them to select people when they are not under stress, so they don’t have to make this decision when they are under stress.
  • Call parents of their friends, inquire about their rules and the home environment (guns, marijuana edibles, etc.), and define “supervision.” This is important when they are invited over for any reason, including for a party or gathering.
  • Have a code word your child can use to verbally inform you he needs to be picked up from an uncomfortable situation. A child with a cell phone could text you this message.
  • Encourage healthy friendships. Give permission to end unhealthy friendships.
  • Teach the difference between tattling and reporting. Reporting is when there is a health or safety issue.
  • Set the expectation that you expect siblings to report on each other about all risky behaviors, including substance use.
  • Help them to consider the potential tragic consequences of a failure to report.
  • Share stories of how you overcame adversities in friendships in a healthy way.
  • Discuss difficult situations. Ask “What would you do if … ” Role playing and switching roles will allow you to model ways of handling situations.
  • Teach Refusal Skills. Examples to consider:
    Say “no” clearly and firmly, with good eye contact.
    Walk away
    Avoid situations where people use
    Use humor
    Change the subject
    Have a better idea
    Make an excuse/give a reason
    Blame your parents

    These skills can be used to address any uncomfortable situation-cheating on a test, shoplifting, bullying, alcohol and other drug use, etc.

Rules and Legal Issues

  • Give a clear message that no illegal drug use is allowed in your family. This includes alcohol and marijuana for youth under the age of 21. Make the consequences clear ahead of time. Reinforce often.
  • Raise children to believe that it’s your family ru le to follow the law. Inform them of the consequences of failure to do so, such as losing the privilege to drive or go out with friends, police involvement, courts, jail, not being bailed out, etc.
  • Set rules for your child far in advance so they grow up knowing the rules. When age-appropriate, have them participate in setting the rules. This will engage their cooperation and teach them to self-discipline.
  • Hold children accountable for their behavior. Do not enable them. Allow them to learn from their mistakes while the stakes are still low.

Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs

  • Teach about information on labels of prescription medications (names, date, dose, expiration date, etc.) Share the importance of not sharing medications and not taking medications from others except parents, a doctor, or a caretaker with parental permission.
  • Dispose of unused /expired medications properly. Most municipalities and some hospitals/pharmacies have drug disposal sites or can direct you to them.
  • Lock up alcohol and prescription medications that can be used to get high in a secure place.
  • Be careful not to use alcohol or marijuana to intoxication at family gatherings where children may be present. Consider leaving family gatherings if someone is intoxicated. Make sure the drinking/using are not the main reasons for a social gathering.
  • Explain the rationale for adults using alcohol at holidays and serving children grape juice or sparkling cider.
  • Do not allow children to even taste alcohol or sample marijuana. Doing so gives the message that you approve, and you need to be consistent in your messages.
  • Educate young children! Root beer is pop and that’s okay to drink. Rubbing alcohol is for wounds and is a poison.

Media Influences

  • If you are providing your child with a cell phone, set rules in advance. Make it clear that you own the phone and can have access to the phone at any time. Inform him/her that he/she cannot change passwords, and that you will be checking the activity, including text messages, regularly.
  • The phone should be turned into you at the agreed upon time each night, so the phone is not in the bedroom. The same goes for all other electronics. Children don’t get enough sleep and will be tempted to remain awake if technology is accessible at night.
  • Discuss internet safety.

Teens and Substance Use

  • Greet your teen when he/she returns home with a hug, a kiss, and a sniff! Smell for substances, but also unusual smells, including anything fruity or flowery, breath mints, mouthwash, gum, etc., which can be used to cover up substance use. Look at pupil size, whites of the eyes, and pay attention to whether your teen even allows you to look him/her in the eyes. If you are already in bed at night, your teen needs to come into your bedroom to say goodnight so you can observe him/her.
  • If your teen is being driven by another teen, make it clear that you expect him/her to report to you if the other teen is intoxicated and that they should never drive with anyone who is under the influence.
  • Have drug tests at home “just in case it’s needed.” This may serve as a deterrent, and a teen can use it was an excuse for not using.
  • If your teen has been drinking alcohol or using other drugs, supervise him/her closely. Do not let him/her go to sleep unsupervised. He/she could vomit while sleeping and suffocate.
  • If you suspect substance use, it is your right and responsibility to search the bedroom, car, backpack, purse, pockets, etc. If you find evidence of use, get help immediately. It is likely he/she has been using for quite some time and has let his/her guard down. It is rare that a teen will be caught using the first time, although that is a common explanation to a parent.
  • Consider periodic searches even if you do not suspect substance use.
  • While it is common to be in denial and assume that drug use is a rite of passage for teens, your inaction may allow the use to develop into a Substance Use Disorder. Break through the denial and address this serious medical problem as soon as possible.
  • If your teen is using substances, do not allow him/her to drive a car.
  • Take your teens and pre-teens to observe District Court hearings on drug cases. Call ahead to determine the best days/times to observe.
  • Early intervention prevents the disease of Substance Use Disorder from progressing. Contact a treatment program for an evaluation and to discuss treatment options. Help is available with or without insurance.
  • Maintain open communication with your teen. Make it clear that you will help him/her with any problem in life, and that he/she can come to you with a problem or when in a crisis.

Parent Education

  • Educate yourself so you can teach young children and discuss with older children.
  • Learn about all drugs and the signs and symptoms of drug use by doing research.
  • Form a coalition of parents to supervise parties, share information, and support each other, while navigating raising a teenager.
  • Understand that today’s marijuana is not the same marijuana that you grew up with. The THC (active ingredient in marijuana) today is stronger than ever before. It is worsening existing mental health problems like depression and anxiety, and is creating depression, anxiety, paranoid th inking, psychosis, and more.
  • Be aware that Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome can develop from frequent use of high quantities of THC. Gastrointestinal problems like nausea, vomiting, dehydration and stomach pain result, and can be alleviated by discontinuing use and hot showers. (Yes, you read that correctly!)